Lady Gaga in Harper's Bazaar March 2014: "I Don’t Have an Eating Disorder Anymore"
While striking a few poses for the sultry Terry Richardson-shot spread, the "Born This Way" hitmaker opened up about her depression towards the end of 2013 and the life lesson she learned from her mother.
Highlights from Lady Gaga's interview are as follows. For more, be sure to pay a visit to Harper's Bazaar!
On her struggles:
“I became very depressed at the end of 2013. I was exhausted fighting people off. I couldn't even feel my own heartbeat. I was angry, cynical, and had this deep sadness like an anchor dragging everywhere I go. I just didn't feel like fighting anymore. I didn't feel like standing up for myself one more time—to one more person who lied to me. But January 1, I woke up, started crying again, and I looked in the mirror and said, ‘I know you don't want to fight. I know you think you can't, but you've done this before. I know it hurts, but you won't survive this depression.’ I really felt like I was dying—my light completely out. I said to myself, ‘Whatever is left in there, even just one light molecule, you will find it and make it multiply. You have to for you. You have to for your music. You have to for your fans and your family.’ Depression doesn't take away your talents—it just makes them harder to find. But I always find it. I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that's left. I'm lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.”
On her mother’s advice:
“I went through a rough time last year. I felt very taken advantage of by people I trusted. I asked my mother, ‘I work so hard. I never stop. I never say no. Why doesn't this person love me, Mom? Why was this person willing to hurt me to help themselves? Why wasn't I enough? Why is money more important than me?’ She reminded me to forgive others for not seeing God where I see it. I see God in my fans. She said, ‘You're hurt because you don't operate this way. You are fiercely protective of your inventions because you are your fans.’ She helped me understand my own feelings. When someone has pulled the wool over my eyes, I feel that they have pulled the wool over the eyes of millions of fans around the world. She helped me to forgive. You can't force people to have the same world consciousness and awareness as you do.”
On her home life:
“My ‘home’ is a controversial topic. I don't exactly have one. I live all over the world. I keep a small rental in New York, where I hang many of my hats when I come to see my parents and New York pals. It's like a tiny jewel box, covered in rose-gold mirrors, with an oversize pink couch, an expensive vase, a white Marilyn piano, and a boudoir. I do not keep a lot of clothes here—mostly punk wear. And the three most expensive items I've ever purchased, including an actual house: my sable, a strand of diamonds, and my Mikimoto pearls.”
On her performance in space:
“I honestly can't wait. I can't wait to design the performance. I'm auctioning off my second seat [on a Virgin Galactic flight] to raise money for the Born This Way Foundation. I want to make a moment that is about much more than me. Performing in space is such an honor. I want to challenge myself to come up with something that will not only bring everyone together but will also have a message of love that blasts into the beyond.”
On her younger years:
"I am better with food. I don’t have an eating disorder anymore. I’m also better at not letting people take advantage of me. Five years ago, when I spotted someone with a hidden agenda, I allowed them to stay around me. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought if I ignored it, then they would eventually see me again—that I’m a human being and not a doll. But it doesn’t work that way. I speak up now. I realized that it’s my own fault that people take advantage. I should be around people who cherish my talents, my health, my time. I’m not a pawn for anyone’s future business. I’m an artist. I deserve better than to be loyal to people who only believe in me because I make money."
Photo Credit: Terry Richardson for Harper's Bazaar